


when no one's watching

by wikipedia



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, Unresolved, Zayn Leaves One Direction, just outright depressing really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-16 06:19:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13048257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wikipedia/pseuds/wikipedia
Summary: Zayn is in love with Liam. That kind of thing just never work out.





	when no one's watching

**Author's Note:**

> Well so this is something I wrote quite a long time ago and I had planned it on being super long and also canon but unfortunately real life happened faster than I could write and I sort of forgot about this. Anyways not sure why I'm posting this now but, here it is! Have fun being sad :/

It hadn't been that big of a deal at first.  
"So you fancy Liam?" Louis had asked after one of their concerts in Manchester. Zayn and Louis were hanging out in their hotel room, chugging beers and playing Fifa.  
"Yeah" Zayn had answered, shrugging noncomitically.  
"Cool" Louis had said and downed the rest of his beer. And that was that.

The day Liam broke up with Danielle was, well, a fucking great day. And isn't that just a horrible thing to say - but Liam had not seemed that sad at all and him and Zayn stayed up all night talking. Just talking in all its simplicity. And when at 3am, Liam had suggested they should go for a walk, Zayn quickly agreed. The night was so quiet, peaceful and it felt like it had been made for just the two of them. That night was one of the most vivid memories Zayn had. He could still feel the crisp, chilly air brushing his skin, could still feel Liam's hand brushing against his own as they walked, could still hear their footsteps smashing down against the pavement.  
"What if we never went back" Liam had said. And it made Zayn feel sad and happy at the same time.  
"We don't have to" he whispered.  
Liam just laughed.  
And they went back.

In the weeks that followed Liam and Zayn grew closer and closer and it eventually got to the point where they spent nearly every waken moment together. And Zayn had probably never been happier. He'd catch Louis' smug looks directed at him when Liam and him were cuddling on the couch or hugging a little longer than was considered acceptable. 

"So you're in love with Liam." Louis stated. Not asked, but stated, as if it was certain.  
"I don't think..." Zayn began.  
"Why don't you do something about it then?" Louis asked.  
"Like?"  
Zayn had just hoped that it would occur naturally, without him having to do anything. Or maybe he'd just been waiting for Liam to do something.  
"Ask him out! Initiate a little snog! Do something that will relieve us from the excruciating pain of watching your loved up face!"  
"Am I that obvious?" Zayn asked after a beat of silence.  
Louis sighed loudly.  
"Yes."  
"Do the others know?" Zayn questioned.  
"Yes."  
Zayn went silent for a while before working up the courage to ask the question he'd really wanted to ask all along.  
"Does Liam know?"  
Louis looked lost in thought for a while, staring off into the distance as he contemplated the answer.  
"I don't think so, mate." he said eventually. "You'd have to search for years to find someone as oblivious as that boy."  
Oh thank god, Zayn thought.  
"But I'm not in love with him", he added.  
"Sure mate, whatever you say", Louis answered.

The following evening Liam and Zayn were holed up in Zayn's flat because, well, that was just what they did these days. Liam had gotten, what was at the time, the brilliant idea to buy a large box of twister ice creams and then eat every single one. At the end Liam was lying on the floor with his arm slung over his eyes and ice cream dripping out of his mouth, groaning in agony. It also was the most adorable thing Zayn had seen in his life. And Zayn knew he was in love with Liam Payne.

Sophia appeared out of nowhere and managed to steal all of Liam's attention away. In all fairness, Zayn should have seen it coming. Liam hadn't been moping per se, but a day didn't go by without him complaining about being single. Liam was not the type of guy to mess around, no strings attached. No, Liam was the relationship type anda particular obnoxious one at that. The whole house in the suburbs, volvo, three kids and a dog thing really got him going. As the months flew by, Liam and Sophia got more and more serious. They were everywhere and people kept praising them, looking up to them, wishing they could be them. They were the perfect couple. But none of that could stop the fact that Zayn was still in love with Liam. Quite frankly, it had just made it worse. All the other guys kept sending him pitying looks whenever Liam and Sophia were together. He appreciated the support, but God he really didn't need it. 

"Zayn, we need to talk", Harry said, his head sticking out behind the door of Zayn's.  
"What about?", Zayn replied. He had a vague idea of what it was about.  
"Well, you know...", Harry said sheepishly and stepped into the room. The door closed softly behind him. "This whole Liam thing."  
He sighed deeply.  
"It hurts to see you hurt so much, Zayn, it's not healthy for you to keep..."  
"Keep what? Keep being in love with him?? You really think I don't know that? You think I chose to feel this way?"  
"No Zayn, thats' not-"  
"You don't get it Harry! I see him everyday, all the time! How am I supposed to think about anything else?"  
"Well, maybe that's the thing.."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Maybe you need some time away or something?"  
It went silent for a while. Harry's gaze was unwavering.  
"Maybe I do"

So Zayn took some time off. And it was, well, great. He finally felt like he could breathe again, albeit only sometimes, for Liam was still on his mind more often than not.

Apparently, Zayn and his former bandmembers weren't on speaking terms. At least, that was what his team told him would make excellent promo.  
"People will only pick sides, how is that good for sales?", Zayn had argued.  
"But it will generate a new, more mature audience. It's going to work famously, I guarantee it."  
And well, at the end of the day he wasn't the one who called the shots. His team however, reasoned that it was a little unrealistic for him to have completly ceased contact with all of them, so they told him to say that he'd talked to Liam. Funny that. Liam was in fact the only person he hadn't spoken to since he left, but Liam was the sensible one, they said. He wouldn't have any pride issues (like were to imply that Louis had) or resentment for him leaving. The fans would believe it. It made sense. But his name still tasted sour in his mouth when he said it out loud. 

"Fuck Zayn, I miss you so much"  
"Lou, stop"  
"Wow really, that's all you're gonna say?"  
"Louis you know I miss you too, everyday. I wish so bad that things would be different."  
"I'm sorry"  
Zayn sighed.  
"Yeah, well, you can't exactly do anything about it"  
"Wish I could though"  
"You could always come cuddle me"  
"You know I will Z, as soon as tour's finsihed I'm taking the first plane over"  
He smiles. They stay silent for a while, just listening to each other breathing.  
"Want you to come to the last show. It wouldn't be the same without you." Louis says softly.  
Zayn shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath.  
"I want that so much. But I can't"  
"I get it. It's alright."  
"I'm sorry"  
"I'm sorry too, Zayn"

He saw the video by accident. It was just right there, on his twitter feed. Normally he never watched pap videos but well, this was Liam. Liam. It had been so long yet it felt like yesterday when his voice rang out. He talked about him. Liam was talking about him. And he said... He clicked replay. "Of course I love Zayn" Liam said again, so clear and so certain. Replay. "Of course I love Zayn". His voice warm and familiar, spreading throughout Zayn's entire body. Replay. "Of course I love Zayn" God, there wasn't even a hint of anger in his voice.They hadn't spoken in almost a year and he said it so easily. Replay. "Of course I love Zayn". He shut his computer, went out on his balcony and smoked an entire pack of cigarettes.


End file.
